How to Properly Celebrate Festivus, The Holiday For The Rest of Us
If the over commercialization of the holiday season has you bummed out, cheer up. Today is Festivus, the holiday for "the rest of us".
Popularized by legendary Seinfeld character Frank Costanza, Festivus is now observed by millions of revelers all over the world every year on December 23rd. Of course, no Festivus celebration is complete without performing five sacred rituals.
1. Construct a Festivus Pole - Forget the pomp and circumstance of decorating a tree. The Festivus pole consists of a plain aluminum pole, symbolizing your disdain for the excessive holiday consumerism. The Festivus pole can vary in height, but must not be adorned with decorations such as tinsel or ornaments. A quick, easy way to make a Festivus pole is to stack your empty beer or soda cans.
2. Give Your Friends and Relatives Fake Gifts - You can take a page from George Costanza's notebook and make donations on behalf of your co-workers to fictitious charities such as the Human Fund. Or better yet, head over to festivusweb.com and create your own fake present.
3. Partake in the Airing of the Grievances - Spending time with family can be a real drag if your relatives are annoying. Festivus is a time to clear the air and let your friends and families know exactly where they stand. By airing your grievances with them, you can help them identify their faults and work to correct them.
4. Festivus Dinner - After all of the grievances are aired, you'll want to treat your guests to a tasty meal. The only real rule for preparation is that the main course cannot consist of any animal that has ever had feathers. Some traditionalists argue that each guest should be served a dish with red sauce, typically either spaghetti or meat loaf.
5. The Feats of Strength - No Festivus celebration is complete until the host of the gathering is wrestled to the ground. This tradition occurs during the Feats of Strength ritual, which can also include activities such as arm wrestling or weight lifting.
Who knows? After completing all 5 of the sacred Festivus rituals, you may even witness a Festivus miracle.