Wanna Laugh Hard? Read These Reviews of Amazon Gummy Bears
I had a friend share something with me that made me laugh so hard that I had to lie down for awhile to get myself back together. It's reviews of sugar-free gummy bears on Amazon and I predict these will make you laugh hard, too.
I'll share brief parts of these reviews, but I HIGHLY recommend that you go to Amazon and read the full reviews. Some are pure poetry. I'll start with one of the more infamous sugar-free gummy bear brands on Amazon. These don't appear to be available anymore. I wonder why? Oh, yeah. This is why.
Haribo SUGAR FREE Classic Gummi Bears, 1 Lb
Derek - "The Horror at 30,000 Feet!"
It started out with a little cramp. Which is normal with gassing on a plane. You do not want to fart on a plane so you hold it in. It is airplane etiquette. It would come and go over a few minutes so I thought nothing of it. Then it got worse...I washed my hands, and threw water in my face to calm me down. Opening the door, I saw the faces looking back at me. Apparently the seal to the bathroom was not air tight. Letting just the slightest airflow from that bathroom to the main cabin possible. These were daughters, mothers, and children looking at me. I could feel their questions and comments. "What have you done?" "We still have 2 hours left." "Please divert this plane."
I weighed 189 before I ate these, I'm now a skeleton
I thought the things people said about sugar free gummies were exaggerated... what a fool I was. I write this in the hopes that future generations will break the cycle and never have to live through what happened to me in the harrowing hours that were to come.
Sugar Free Gummy Bears, 5LBS by Albanese Confectionery
Dylan H - "Digestive Overload"
Well I bought these fully well knowing the consequences of my actions. However the unforeseen events that followed include but are not limited to:
-My prize hunting dog unable to track due to the horrific stench of my bowels.
-My wife looking at me with cotton dipped in vicks vapo-rub shoved into each nostril
Vatana Alcantar - "It's 5 in the morning and I'm writing this review"
As I prepare for bed I notice it’s starting to rain outside as I hear low rumbles of thunder in the wee hours of the night. A few hours after I had drifted off to sleep, I was suddenly awakened by a loud rumble in the jungle. Initially unsure if it’s thunder from the storm or the gummies coming back to haunt me, it didn’t take me long to realize that I would soon regret my rash decision to down so many bears in one sitting. The pain, the horror that took place....I can’t even. Oh, but it wasn’t over. 4:30 AM, my body reacts once more! Now, I usually try to be a lady and keep the natural noises of the Number 2 to a level of non existence for my husband’s sake (which requires a lot of self control) but at this point in my life, I no longer have the ability to have that much self control and all the sounds are released as I expel the demonic little creatures from my body.
There are...so many more. I don't normally share bathroom humor, but let's face it. In this era we're living in, we need a good laugh. Do a search for sugar-free gummy bears on Amazon then pick just about any of the results and you will laugh.